Beauty comes from Within

A year ago i was totally obsessed with the way I looked- Clothes and Makeup. I obsessed about it so much, as i was totally lacking in confidence people may have thought that I was this confident person because that's the way I acted. How wrong.

I find that since i have moved to Indonesia I have become so less obsessed with the way I look, I am comfortable in my own skin, if people don't like the way I look then that's their problem. But i think more than anything i have come to realize that beauty isn't how you look but how you are as a person. Cliched as it sounds but do you have a beautiful heart?

At first we are attracted to a person by the way they look, but after a while you come to find out that the beautiful person is not such a nice person. I am told daily how beautiful i am, because of my unique look( not so white, not so asian), maybe a year ago I would have been so happy to hear those comments, but now( yes of course I like) but always think about how beauty is only skin deep, what about me as a person. Am i beautiful too? I wish someone would just say that to me.... Oh Niketa you are such a beautiful person. But then I start to think, Am i a beautiful person inside?

I start to think what I could to make myself a better person... I look through all my flaws, and i decide yeah maybe a i could be a better person. More so a better sister and Friend, I could be a little more understanding, interested and thoughtful. I could make more time and effort with new and old friends. I love my sisters and friends so much, so why not show it more...? I love you! ha ha.

I don't know why I have gone all spiritual on this blog, I suppose Indonesia has mellowed me out a little. I am not the same person as I was in England. My priorities have changed, I am more concerned about my health, my future and when I will see my sisters again( i miss u so much). I think also when I was doing my modeling shoot thing, I realized that been young and looking young doesn't last forever, but been a nice person does. I suppose I also have a lot of time to think as there are lots of moments when i am alone and free to think.

At the moment, i am feeling a little scared here, i mean there are moments where i feel super confident and will happily chat away with anyone in Indonesian, but right now I feel a little lost and shy. I feel like this small fish in one huge bowl... Totally lost and directionless. It's a phase and it will pass I know.

But overall I feel happier than I have done in a while, i have started to get my appetite back, and can actually see my curves returning, I feel stronger and determined to get my health back on track. After last weeks week long sickness, I have realized if i don't eat then I will be in serious trouble soon.... so eat, eat and eat!!

Thanks guys for reading my blog, i am always happy to hear from people, and I hope that you guys enjoy reading my feelings and new life.

Love to everyone.