Friday 2 July 2010

I watch the world go by

I sometimes think that I am just a spectator in the game called life, I see it passing every day, but at the end of the day I am always wondering what I have done to make that day the best it could ever be.

I moved away from London because I had become stuck in a rut, my work life was hectic and the whole London dating disaster was crazy. A head spin.

I thought that moving to another country would stop the routine and predictability of it.
I was wrong, here I am in Indonesia and have become stuck in a somewhat mundane routine.
I start to wonder how that could have happened, I start to blame work, my boyfriend and just fate. But then I start to think more, and look a little closer and I realize it's me, It's all in my control I have the ball and I am deciding which way it goes. Scoring a goal and happiness depends on me. Yes I work 5 days a week from 12-8pm, but why should that stop me from having a little fun?! The answer is it shouldn't, it should push me to make my non working hours as fun as possible. I should be pushing myself to experience new things and meet new people. Why don't I? Honestly I am scared, I was scared in London and now even more so in Indonesia, I am scared of breaking my comfort zone. Moving to Indonesia was the bravest thing I have ever done, some could say I wasn't really using my head when I decided it. I just left on Impulse.

Now I am this beautiful country, but paralyzed by fear, fear of change, fear of failure and fear of communicating with people in case of them laughing at me.

I want to do so much, I want to join a traditional dance class, I want to create some kind of Indonesian/English coffee meeting time... so I can Indonesian and people can use English too- No charge just a chance to make friends etc, and have fun. I want to take vocal lessons, there is so much here to enrich my life. But fear takes over.

I like Indonesia, It's weird how normal life seems to me now, how I know the streets of my city, how i know the food to eat, how i know the customs. I love it, I love that i know so much about another country, but I want to know more. i want to push myself deeper into the unknown because i know if i do, there will be rewards at the end of it.

For Indonesian Friends,

Aku sebaiknya coba pada tulis di Bahasa Indonesian, karena aku bisa belajar lebih. Blog ku tentang hidup ku di Indonesia. Aku bebicara tentang Kerja, Happiness dan takut ku.

Ohhhh.. itu susah sulit sekali untuk aku tulis itu. Haha

Maaf jika km ga mengerti ini... aku coba ya!