So yesterday I had a modelling shoot for the front cover for Jogjas teenage newspaper, which will be published on Wednesday. Yesterday was a long day, with many people all taking my photo. Whilst standing in various shots and poses, I started to think how fake the modelling world is, I was caked in Make up, my skin which is naturally speckled with freckles was turned flawless, my eyes were made to look like little dolls… I looked in the mirror after about 1 hour in makeup- and I didn’t recognise myself- who was this perfect looking girl staring back at me?

I loved the day and relished in the idea of how good I could look every day if I spent one hour putting on fake lashes, foundation, powder, eye liner, mascara, eye shadow and lipstick oh but how lazy I am… nah that idea is not for me. So the results are amazing and you can see some of my photos on facebook- more to come when I get them too! I love the fact that when I am older I can look at these photos and tell my children “ Yeah your mommy can look pretty sometimes” ha ha.

After my last blog post I am feeling a little better, and taking each day with a renewed energy and confidence. I had my friend from England come and stay at my house a couple of weeks ago- and that was great, I got to polish my tour guide skills by showing Liz around for 10 days! Miss u!

So anything new? Nope not really, my guitar lessons are going well, I can now play four chords relatively quickly, not an expert yet but getting there. Oh yes actually one thing new, I have a new cat! Me and my boyfriend were driving home in the rain( always) when we saw this little kitten all alone and crying, My heart broke there and then! I had to have her, so I scooped her up and took her home. She is now happily residing at my house and has even chosen her religion…. muslim!! Whenever my boyfriend prays little Ginger will go in the prayer room and pray with him… Very sweet.

I seem to be suffering from a disease called Lazi-i-tis!! Haha, I just don’t want to go out at the moment, which means I am been super unsociable… Ah well we all have times like that. When I finish work all I want to do is go home and sleep… lazy huh. In Indonesia and all I want to do is sleep.

Sorry for the lack of contact to everyone over the past week, I have again been sick. This time struck down with a virus that knocked me out for four days, I am now in recovery...This would be the 5th time I have become sick in Indonesia, so now I need to take action and start to look after myself a whole lot better.. Vitamins, plenty of food, gallons of water and happiness in my heart. So I give myself a month to pull my health together starting with weight gain- Coming out to Indonesia i weighed a very healthy 63kg and now i am 53kg... Not good... Target weight 60Kg...... So lets eat! I want my sisters chilli con carne with spam ham so much followed by a dessert from Marks and Spencers.... Boo Hoo....

Oke well have to go, speak to you all soon..xxx

Life in Indonesia seems to be flying by, I have been here now for 6 months, half a year already gone. Everyday I am becoming more accustomed to Indonesian culture and traditions. I spent my first birthday over here in Indonesia last week, turning 24 does not really fill me with joy, I feel older and I don’t like it. Yes I know in the grand scheme of things 24 is young, but to me I feel like I have experienced so much in my life (good and bad) that turning 24 is not so enjoyable, it was made even worse by the fact that I had to stay at home as I had a chest infection- so all in all a pooey birthday!

I should really make myself some resolutions for the next year, little targets which I can work towards, but well that’s just not really me… you could say I am a little lazy.

I have a new little part time volunteer position at a school close to my house, where I go in and read to all the elementary students there. On my first day there I thought I would be reading to a small select group of maybe around 10 students, but how wrong I was as when I arrived there, I was given a microphone and shown the room full of around 70 students, so that scared me a little bit. However getting over the initial shock I actually found myself enjoying it- it gives me a chance to act and make a complete fool of myself whist I also try to be 10 different characters whom all have 10 different voices- So that takes two early mornings a week.

My guitar lessons are progressing slowly… I mean really slowly… Not me but my fingers, however much I try my fingers just don’t want to move fast, so they proceed in a slow manner which makes my music sound stilted and shit! Ah well I will keep trying. Funny thing is that my teacher wants me to play in this event that my music school is holding. There is no way I can do that I have only had 3 lessons and I don’t think I have improved at all- I kindly say.. Mas Nggak Bisa, belum siap. Saya nggak pede. Saya malu mas! Ha ha- Which means… Friend I cant! I am not ready! I am not confident, I am shy!

Thankfully my Bahasa Indonesian is improving partly to my confidence increasing, of course I am not fluent and wont be anytime soon, but I can hold a conversation and understand maybe 50% of what people are saying, if they speak SLOW SLOW SLOW… PELAN PELAN PELAN! I do sometimes get my confidence knocked when people simply don’t want to try and listen to me, and automatically say they don’t understand me even when I haven’t said anything- I find that a little rude and offensive, but overall Indonesian people are real friendly and happily help me mumble and stumble my way into a conversation.

I have to admit I am starting to feel really homesick, there are moments when I just want to jump on a plane and go back home, go back to where everything is easy for me, but of course I am not going to do that… Just moments on insanity!

Before I came here, I though it would be easy to make friends etc, but its not. I suppose its always to make great friends that truly understand you and get u. I find making male friends the hardest, as I am always worried that they may want something more than friendship. That’s not because I think I am beautiful or amazing, it’s just how it is here. I have always got on better with guys over girls…. They just get me better, my sense of humour and I love bantering….but I am not stressing over the friend situation as I am pretty busy so it will happen when fate decides it wants it to happen.

Untuk teman ku yang orang Indonesia, saya nggak bisa menulis Bahasa Indonesia karena itu susah bagi saya. Mungkin dalam satu tahun saya bisa. Tapi untuk sekarang saya bisa menulis Bahasa inggris aja. Saya harap kamu mengerti sedikit, atau kamu bisa Tanya aku dan aku akan coba tolong kamu! Ha ha ( English friends this is for Indonesian friends only)

Oke gonna go, miss everybody!

Cruising along

Hey Everybody,



Hope all are well.


After my last blog post my mood and feeling have now improved a little. This is due to myself having a long talk to myself( and all the lovely emails) and deciding that I need to put myself out more into the community. So I have done the following-


1. Started my indonesian language course, I am not the most academic and have the attention spam of a small new born baby but I am learning lots, and have even taken to sticking post it notes all over the house in aid of my remembering, so now my house resembles a post it note factory.... Waduh.

2. I have always wanted to learn how to play the guitar since my first boyfriend inspired to me this particular instrument, I did try to go to Guitar lessons in London but my laziness made me stop... This time I have no choice as I have just paid for one months worth of lessons.. starting next week..

3. I have also come across this aerobic thing, only problems are I dont need to lose weight and it's at 6.30am in the morning( Indonesians are obsessed with waking up at 5.00am)...Maybe I will give that one a miss!

4. Anyone who knew me well, knew that I made jewellery when I was in London, so I have also found a place that runs free courses, that's great!! I just have to find the nerve to go there... I am a little scared.

5. My friend works in a hospital at the weekends volunteering for cancer patients, this is so inspiring to me, so I wanna do it too... so in a couple of weeks I will be going there too hopefully.

I suppose things are here in terms of facilitating making friends, you just have to go out and find them, and push yourself into unknown situations. For me everyday is a struggle and i am very shy when it comes to speaking Bahasa Indonesian, I can speak a lot and people have told me that my Indonesian is very good seen as I have only been here a short time, and i now speak 70% Indonesian with my boyfriend.... but people I don't know it's different I go into shy mode.... I am hoping all of these courses will help me to become more confident!

Indonesia is a great place, real friendly people and cultural I just have to embrace and adapt, to be part of a different culture is such an amazing thing so I shouldn't waste it worrying about how many friends I have but i should be worrying about how much fun I am having and how much i am learning!

Bye guys, miss everybody so much.

Loneliness Strikes

I feel this may be a little bit of a sad post, as well at this moment I feel a bit down, yesterday I felt great but today I feel like Poo poo.

The feeling of being alone strikes me now and again, and today it's hit me how alone I truly am.
This is going to sound all depressed and dreary but Maaf( sorry).

So I haven't got many friends over here, which saddens me a little. I just don't know how to make friends here, I struggled to make new friends in England when i could speak the language and here I am in Indonesia not able to really articulate what I want to say into anything but mumble jumble.
I know that I have a problem with the way I act with new people, people will mistake it for snobbery or arrogant but it's not I am a really shy person when I meet new people, I worry that I am not interesting or clever enough to be talking to people- those are the thoughts in my head when I meet new people. It takes me a while to be myself with new people, I wish I was the type of person who could just talk to anybody... But I can't... I don't know how to.

I am of course taking steps to try and make friends, in two weeks i am due to start Indonesian lessons, and I am going to Yoga, I really want to join a sports club or team, but not many Indonesian women play sports here, only men which is not cool as they are stare at me!
So if anyone has any ideas on how i can interact more with people then lemme me know!

Hmmm, well gotta go, I had to talk to someone, so I chose all of you!

xxx

Freedom and Knowledge

So it's dawned on me that I have been over here for four months now, It's gone so fast I can't believe it. Life seems to just whizz by at a super fast speed.
So four months gone, what have I achieved? What has changed?

1. I can now drive a scooter alone, so have been whizzing around jogja trying to discover new places and new things to try- Did Yoga today and my body is killing me... waaaaa.... Plus I couldn't understand half of what the instructor was saying so that made the lesson a little harder!
2. Confidence to use my shaky Bahasa Indonesian- at first I got really paranoid that people would laugh at me( they do) but it's all cool, I must sound a little funny. Although Bahasa is the one of the easiest languages to learn I am still having trouble to remember half of it.... Hmmm maybe my brain is just not big enough.
3. After teaching little children for a while now, I come to discover I want children... ha ha... I came to Indonesia not wanting them- oh how teaching little ones can make you maternal!!
4. I have become a little bit more patient... But that is more to do with the fact that everyone moves at a snails pace( apart from the roads) so I have been forced to follow suit.
5. Indonesian people are really the most friendly and helpful people I know!

One bad thing though here is that I just don't want to eat, I don't really seem to want to eat the lovely food that is here, so as a result I have lost a fair amount of weight, which is not cool.....
So I need to stuff my face with food to keep the energy and weight on my body... as anyone who knew me from the Itsu days- knows that I can get very skinny!!! Arrrrggghhh... Pizza hut here I come!!

Another part of my life that has changed is the whole budgeting thing, I get paid a good sum for Indonesia BUT i need to save money to go to Hong Kong in November which is not cheap when u are on the Indonesian currency of Rupiah, also I need to save for another years rent for my house to be paid in December, so I am not loving this saving 50% of my salary thing... I want to buy clothes...

24 is looming around the corner for me, and I am not happy about it!! 24 what? when did that happen? I am actually an adult now, and that thought alone scares the shit out of me. My age is not the only thing that is changing... My mind too, instead of obsessing over my hair, I am obsessing whether I should buy a washing machine or how will I get the garden fixed up.... Or do I have enough food in the fridge for everyone. I simply don't like it I want to think like a 18year old again!

Ok Guys, hope everyone is ok!!

Lots of Love xxx

Comfort or Fashion

Well I am in Singapore for the 8th time in one year, so understandably I am a little bored, I am here for hopefully the last time as I am picking up my one year Visa for Indonesia.

I do really hate coming to Singapore for lots of different reasons-

1. I always seem to spend lots of money here, on various things-Travel, Food and the biggie clothes, I love the clothes in Singapore especially in the Bugis clothes market.... fantastico.

2. The feeling of not belonging here, I mean when I come to Singapore i don't look fashionable or supermodel esque or rich.... So when I see lots of expensive clothes on rich people... I silently weep in my 40,000rupiah( £4.00) top. Ok i am going over the top a little, i actually don't care, but the difference in the way I am from a year ago is huge. I used to obsess with what I wore and wanted to have designer things. NOW. I don't care, as long as I am comfy.. he he

Ah the scooter, well yes still learning each day getting a TINY bit better, a few moments when I have accelerated instead of braking, nearly causing a accident with another motorbike... OOOOOpppssss...Arda will not allow me to drive without him or in the day until I have mastered the night driving and turning a corner... A couple of weeks and I think I will be ready!

Went to a gig the other weekend, and mingled backstage with some very famous pop/rock stars...which was really cool! Aku suka! There was an amazing ambience at the gig, people having so much fun, loads of families and cool people, but what really amazed me was the fact that there was no alcohol in sight, it's refreshing to see that people don't need booze to have fun. I love that aspect of Indonesia, not feeling any pressure to drink or party.I am very happy with my party free life right now.. Give me a cup of coffee any day!

Ok well gotta go,

Sampai Nanti!

Discoverys

Hello All,

So I am sitting at work on a Sunday so I thought that I would catch up with everyone.

Bad news is I have an ear infection, which is so painful I have to cry sometimes!!! he he.
Hospitals here are fantastic I must say, as I only had to pay 8.00 quid, and I go to see a doctor and get all the meds too( and there was a lot to give me as well), so I am impressed by that. I am even more excited I got my own hospital card with my name on it( small things please me)... but of course I am hoping that I don't need to use it so much whilst I am here.

Hmmm, I discovered an internet place, and a very cool coffee shop near my house, which I can bike to now, so I feel a lot happier that I can at least go on the net to chat to my old friends.
Yes I know only little things the net and coffee but it's a big deal for me, as I am starting to find new places and things around me.... Oh and I am going to do Yoga!! as I also on my bicycle exploring found a yoga place!! yay...

Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm..... Me and Arda are great, of course I miss him like crazy when he is in his hometown, and my working hours have increased a little which means I can't seem him as much at the weekend... We have a crazy relationship in terms of traveling etc... as we live far from each other... but it works....

I have just started to do a new class, it's called " Conversation", basically there are no books and no set curriculum just talking, I was scared at first as I didn't know how I would handle such a class, but I have fallen in love with the lesson and the students, such a great class... I really look forward to teaching them every Tuesday and Thursday....

Me buying a scooter is just around the corner, I am a little scared, but I have now mastered the bicycle- if you could have seen me the first time I cycled on the road.... but now I am a pro!! he he....

I would love people to come and visit me, although I don't really have much time off work, I would love to have some visitors...

Spoke to my sister the other day, and I feel so much happier after the conversation.... I love u both!! and miss you so much...

Love always

xxx